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It’s amazing what one can learn by being in prison

For instance did you know that high speed car chases cause nearly 400 deaths per year in the US and cost the government more than a billion dollars a year in damages, lawsuits, and medical expenses? Well, there is a company called StarChase that has just come up with a solution that is being used by several police departments already that consists of a double barreled compressed air unit that is installed in the grille of a police car and is loaded with twin 4.5 inch GPS projectiles sticky “bullets” that stick onto a suspects car. It is launched using an in car console or remote key fob! The system uses laser acquisition to target the suspect’s fleeing or stationay car and then shoots one of the GPS cartridges like a spud out of a potato gun at its rear end so that once it’s tagged, the GPS module relays the car’s coordinates, heading, and speed every 3 to 5 seconds to police dispatch. One roadblock is the price apparently which is $5,000 per police car and each bullet costs about $250.00 a pop, pardon the pun………Technology at it’s best but wait there’s more………

New technology has arrived that can perform a drug test using finger prints in a matter or moments. Thanks to new. real-life technology from Paul Yates and his colleagues at Intelligent Fingerprinting, fingerprints can now be used because if you are on drugs, you sweat out evidence in your fingers. You won’t be sweating out the actual drugs, but rather unique, broken-down by-products. The exact amounts are minusclue, but with this technology, that information can be used to dtermine if the finger’s owner has been using or is currently under the influence of drugs like nicotine, cannabis, cocaine and even methadone! It works by coating the fingerprint residue with gold nanoparticles covered in antibodies. The antibodies will then stick to certain metabolites (byproducts of drugs, specifically) at which point a dye will highligh the metabolites the antibodies have singled out and bam, quick and easy drug testing.

This is what happens when you have lots of time to read magazines and books. I am just a wealth of information now that I never would have known before:)

Other than that the only thing going on is that spring is finally sprung here, the baby geese have all been born and I probably know more about geese than I ever ever ever ever wanted to know, and man are they cute when born but within days they start getting really ugly and by 2 weeks they are almost as big as the parents and super duper ugly. Doesn’t take long for these little guys to grow that’s for sure.

That’s it for now. A couple of good fights this week out in the middle of the yard but nothing else really going on to speak of.

This place looks like a war zone right now

Apparently every year they have a group that comes in to do an inspection to make sure the prison is being properly run and maintained and depending on how this inspection turns out, it will dictate how much funding the prison gets for the next year. In addition to that, the prison must pass the inspection because if they fail 3 years in a row they will shut the prison down. So, hence the mass improvements going on. Painting, roofing, landscaping, new showers (we have had 5 that have never been completed after they stopped working in this unit alone) so you can imagine the fights for showers with 350 woman and only 8 showers that work. Other things like the awning over the commissary building where once a week we all have to stand outside either in the rain or extreme sun and heat because the awning fell apart over a year ago and still has not been replaced until now:) But, this is my favorite part….they repainted the interior of the chow hall to a burgundy (it was stark white) and they hung pictures so it’s beautiful in there now. The part that cracks me up is they just got new blowers above the doors that when you open them and walk it they about blow your head off. So as I was walking in the other morning I noticed this huge new rug that was on the floor that says FCI Dublin Correctional Excellence. Then on one side it says Integrity and on the other it says Respect. I could say all kinds of things about this HUGE new floor rug. My first thought was “wow, that’s awesome that someone actually has put thought into that saying on this FCI Dublin rug” at which time right behind that came “hmmmmm, I wonder if they passed on this new vision to their CO’s in particularly the one that kicked the table over in our day room the other night, or the one that knocked the water bottle off the ledge during count with his fist so hard that it flew the entire length of the hall and hit the other window at the other end” or the one in the rec building that when he was asked for the remote to turn on the TV above the exercise equipment the other morning yelled at the top of his lungs “I don’t know where the F_______in remote is and I don’t have time to look for the F_______in remote because I don’t care if you F________in people watch TV while your working out or not!” Hmmmmmmmmm my bet is that they are not all on the same page.

All of that being said, in all seriousness, the new warden here is amazing and is making great changes and it’s very inspiring and it’s been fun to watch what happens when really good management shows up and how things change so rapidly.

Okay that’s it for today. I had a great surprise visit this weekend that just set the pace for the week. I am blessed and happy for sure!

Tami

Health Care

There is a saying that is near and dear to everyone and anyone who has ever been in Federal Prison and perhaps State or County that you better not get sick in here or you will likely die here. Thankfully I am healthy as a horse and have always been blessed with amazing health.

So let imagine my surprise when I saw my name on the call out for a mamogram on Friday. This should be fun, I thought to myself. I went up to medical and surprisingly was called back within an hour (the usual wait time for any medical is 2 to 3 hours). In a room I went and lo and behold they were training someone new to do the mamograms so there were 2 ladies there and they said “okay take your clothes off.” Just like that…..get em off let’s go, time’s awastin………so off went my clothes, it doesn’t take long in here to not be shy any longer, just like having a baby…….and then after all of that, I can say it was one of the funnest mamograms I have ever had because the new lady was super sweet and they discussed all of their findings right in front of me which was nothing but she did have to take them over again because she got my chin in a couple of them. Hmmmmmm how does that happen you might ask? Well I am going to go with “it must be my new work out routine working” hahahahahaha.

Now my poor husband on the other hand….after convincing him to go to medical because he thinks he may have a sinus infection, he did go, waited the 2 hours, to be told that the doctor wouldn’t be in for 3 weeks and he should come back then! Again, that’s our government working for us. Perhaps they should consider letting us keep our own insurance AND USE IT!

I was called in on Wednesday on the call out for an “x-ray.” When I got to medical there were about 20 of us there for this “x-ray.” When we sent one of the workers back to ask the woman doing the “x-ray’s” why they were “x-raying” us she told her it was none of our damn business and we were having “x-ray’s” because our names were on the call out to have one. I told the head medical guy I was refusing the “x-ray,” he said “Sawyer, you can’t refuse it” I said “watch me, your not radiating my body for no reason, and I am leaving now to go talk to the Warden about this, to which he replied, “now Sawyer, I will just end up putting your name right back on the list” to which I smiled nicely (because I am taking hormones now so I am much nicer these days) and said “we shall see.” I went looking for the Warden, could not find him because he was in another unit, ran into my bunky who conviced me to go back and sit there and she would come with me so we could play cards or something and by the time we had gotten back (2 hours from the time I had my call out time) they cancelled all of the x-rays and told us they would put us all back on the call out!

So yes folks that’s what I do every day:) At least I don’t have to drive anywhere to do absolutely nothing all day right?

More later……

Guilty again………

It has been a long time since my last blog. A lot of changes, I not only moved units, I just got moved rooms as well and am now perfectly located in the very end wing room that is located directly across from the phone that everyone uses. Now I have some great stories. To understand how comical being in the room I am now in is, I have to tell you that in order to make a phone call here we all had to pre-record our names so that when we call someone it automatically tells them who we are. What none of us knew nor were we told, is that when we record our names every single time we make a call from that day forward to access the phone we have to repeat our name exactly and I mean exactly like we recorded it, same tonality, same speed, same voice inflection the whole thing. That being said you can imagine what happens after someone tries to say their name over and over again and it won’t take, and to complicate it even further as if any of this wasn’t enough, after 3 tries the phone hangs up on you and you must start the process all over again. Without fail every single time someone tries saying their name and it won’t take the string of profanities that comes is hysterical. AND being in the room I am in now my room mates are always offering to say the persons name for them because they have heard it so stinkin many times over the years that they can say it almost verbatim by heart.

Another funny story….I used to think that Torett’s Syndrom was just something that they included in funny movies and that no one really ever had the disease. Until now. There is a girl here that has it and when I tell you it is so off the wall wild the things she does and the stuff she breaks out with…..yesterday I heard her laughing all the way in my new room and I mean to tell you she can laugh loud! I could no longer stand it so I jumped up and ran out of the room to see what on earth she could possibly be watching that would make her laugh so hard and loud. Lo and behold she was watching a Macy’s commercial! Seriously. When she gets on the phone she has conversations that are so far off the wall its amazing. She will get on the phone, with no one on the other end of the line and talk non-stop without taking a breath hardly about things that never ever happened and really make no sense what so ever. Right in the middle of the conversation she starts saying her name again over and over.

It’s also amazing that no matter how hard we try the entire wing hears the entire conversations that people are having and those alone could fill a book. The good news is it always makes me more aware of what I want to talk about in my limited time I get on the phone.

So everyone that I am getting letters from I am now in unit A/B so you need to change the address when you write to me. Hey another interesting fact about this unit. We have bathtubs in the showers!!! The reason why they are only in this unit…..Patty Hursts parents paid to have them installed when she was here! How’s that for a tidbit of news?

Okay tomorrow I am going to blog about Job Opportunities here at Dublin so stay tuned!

2014 It’s the New Year…..

Thankfully 2013 is behind us. It’s been awhile since I have blogged and so much has happened. I got moved to a new unit and I can not tell you how happy I am and how different it is. In fact it’s so much different that I still find myself walking around thinking I need to pinch myself to see if it’s all real. I got moved into a room last week with only 1 other woman that has been here for 14 years. She is a supervisor over at the call center, my age, and lot’s of fun. We are actually in a 3 man room with only 2 of us in there, and the room is so super nice, clean, freshly painted, on an upper floor (I have only had a lower floor room in the past) and the view is amazing. It looks out over the hills.

I can’t tell you exactly why it’s so much different in this unit but it doesn’t seem like it should be when I really think about it. In my old unit the guards were constantly yelling over the intercoms and the age of the woman were different, perhaps younger. It was so much noisier, where here it’s all woman that are the teachers, or food service workers, or have been here for awhile so it’s nice. Lot’s of interaction on a positive level. Plus they don’t put a lot of the new arrivals here so there is not that constant revolving door thing going on.

I have been taking yoga classes now for about a month 3 days a week and they are 2 hour classes. I love them! I am shocked at how strong my body has gotten. Our instructor is one of the woman that drinks her morning urine and thinks its super healthy I might add, but she is one of the best instructors I have ever had. She’s a little different, and often my friend Lynn and I just die laughing at the things she says or has us do that one would likely never hear in a normal yoga class. For instance, the other day she had us get in what’s called a birthing pose which is laying on your back with your legs spread as far apart as you can get them with your knees bent. Now this is already a bit ackward, laying there like that but imagine our surprise when she said, “now don’t be alarmed if you feel your vagina start twitching right now, it’s completely normal.” It took everything in me not to bust out laughing but the minute I turned my head and looked at Lynn it was over!!!! She immediately said……”after 4 years my vagina can twitch all it wants!” Hilarious!!!! Who says this kind of stuff in a normal class???? We could not stop laughing and to this day everytime we even think about it we laugh until we cry.

On another note for the first time ever I didn’t have a New Years Resolution to lose weight!!! I have now officially lost almost all the weight I have been trying to lose so my new goal is to get “cut” by lifting weights and firming up. One of the supervisors in the recreation department who is a professional body builder and has a degree is health and fitness and competes regularly, adds something new to my workout routines every month. Last month he tried to get me to do pull ups and when we figured out I couldn’t even do one we had to alter my plan a bit and now this month he told me I had to do 250 burbeeps a week!!!! Good grief! Oh well my husband is going to not recognize me when I get home:) He’s gonna love it!

Happy New Year everyone.

Christmas in Prison

As Christmas is past and New Year’s is only days away I wanted to post a blog about what my Christmas was like in prison.

First I should say that every housing unit, the education department, the chapel and the chow hall all have Christmas trees in them that are beautiful. Also, they had a competition here in all the units for a door decorating contest. You guessed it, my door had nothing on it. I am the least creative person in the world when it comes to art and my other 2 room mates were right there with me. I was going to try to push myself to do it and then thankfully didn’t because lo and behold, a very angry, mean CO came to work one night, not one of the regulars, and decided that everyone’s decorations that they had spent hours on, were to far up their doors, because the memo that came out said they were supposed to stop at the window in the door so if we were not home he ripped them all down and threw them away and if someone was home, he made them choose between cutting them off or ripping them down. Unbelievable some people are such jerks…….especially since the new warden had just been in to see them all and didn’t say a word about them.

So….that being said the other interesting thing that happened is on the 19th they called us all down to the chow hall and gave us egg nog, cookies, fresh veggies with ranch dip. As we were walking out the back door of the chow hall we got handed huge bags filled with every kind of junk food you could ever imagine. I mean to tell you these bags were as big as pillow cases and they where filled with chips, candy bars, cookies, oatmeal, breakfast bars, the list goes on and on. Come to find out on Christmas Eve Kevin got the same thing. Very nice of our government to load us all up like that.

Okay now to the Christmas part. Imagine if you had the opportunity to get to spend Christmas with not one ounce of stress about anything. Not shopping, not parties, not decorating, not cooking, not traveling or deciding who you were going to spend it with…..nothing and in fact get to spend it thinking about exactly what it’s all really about. That’s what I was blessed enough to get to do. And it was SO peaceful. I missed elf on a shelf, my grandkids, and my kids, friends and my family, but I miss them every single day so it was not that much different for me.

Now the best part. It was 72 degrees out, I sat under a tree on the rec yard with a couple of friends and played games all afternoon while soaking up the sun. And then we went to a movie at the rec barn. All in all the most bizarre “Christmas” I have ever spent.

And by the way, Kevin and I still split duties and his job was to send out Christmas cards this year, which he did an amazing job of so everyone that got them………they really were from me as well:)))) I wonder what he’s going to make me do now???? I know it won’t be laundry:)

Love to all.

Tami

Dublin “Health” Experts

Throughout my life, my friends, family, and basically anyone that knows me has always said I have the WORST poker face in that whatever is going through my mind is usually showing on my face. I am horrible at keeping my emotions off my face.

Over the last 6 months, I have seen and heard things that I really can’t even phathom ever knowing about in my real life and my face has had to go on over drive. About a month and a half ago I was noticing that nothing was shocking me anymore. I can hear just about anything and I don’t even make a face. Quite frankly nothing surprises me anymore to the point that my full body engages…….until yesterday.

There is a group of woman here (3) to be exact…..that have dubbed themselves “health” experts and are trying to sell the benefits of woman drinking daily, their first morning urine. Yes you heard me right. They pee in a cup, put it in their locker until it cools down……and they drink it!!!!!! According to them it’s full of every wonderful vitamin you could ever want or need and it well add years on to your life.

DO NOT ask me how on earth they came up with this idea, or anything else about it because even writing this e-mail I am still making a face. I mean really????? You have got to be kidding me!!!! But it’s TRUE! And what’s even funnier is that they can’t understand why they are having so many problems with their room mates who are very upset by the fact that their rooms stink because of the urine that is sitting in their lockers daily!!!!!

Oh my it just goes on and on and on and on………….BUT I think it will take a lot to top this one.

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