10 Uses for Feminine Napkins that has Absolutely Nothing to do with their intended purpose.

by Tamara Sawyer

Finally I am at a place I can call home for a little while. I will write more later about what my days now look like but had a few interesting new facts I will share with you that you probably will never get the privilege of experiencing in your life time:)

WARNING: Men you may not want to ready this!

10 Uses for Feminine Napkins that has Absolutely Nothing to do with their intended purpose.

1. Use them as insoles for the incredible cheap well worn slip on shoes they give us in prison.

2. Tear them apart so you can use the sticky adhesive to hang photos’ and other items your family and friends send you. (No tape, no glue, no tacks in jail folks)

3. Wrap them around the shower heads for a more direct forceful stream of water.

4. Stick 4 or 5 of them on the toilet seats in holding cells that are disgusting and never cleaned, and for sure our tax paying dollars would NEVER pay for seat covers (plus they wouldn’t survive with that crowd anyway).

5. Put 5 or 6 of them together and wrap them in toilet paper to use as a pillow when your put in a holding cell for 5 to 6 hours (or longer at times) so you can sleep peacefully on the concrete benches.

6. Use them as makeup applicators

7. Make Tampons out of them

8. Use them to clean the floors and/or sinks

9. Use them for coffee filters when you have someone that works in the kitchen that has managed to smuggle coffee out for you.

10. Use them to cover up security devices in your rooms or vents that blow to much air, to cold, to hot, or the speakers that they yell into your room in everytime they want to make an announcement or call you:)

Since tampons are not allowed in jails you can imagine the volume of these things they go thru:) Fun fact.

I also learned a new saying here at Dublin: Gay for the Stay, Straight at the Gate!!!!!

Our counselor actually warned us about this saying during our orientation. The context it was shared in is for new inmates to be very careful because there are so many woman here who decide to become gay while in jail so that they have “someone to take care of their commissary needs.” Now there’s a good reason, right? Apparently, if they have no one on the outside to send them money, they decide to hook up with some woman during their stay that will take care of them. I have actually talked to a few of the woman that I have seen with other woman and when I asked them why on earth they were with woman in here when they were married on the outside, it’s for that very reason. Some of them make a weak attempt to tell me that they never realized they were “bi-sexual” until they got here……but it’s very weak. I have come up with my own theory, and a physchologist I am not, but my bet would be that most of these woman made really bad choices in men on the outside simply because they didn’t want to be alone and those same emotions are following them on the inside. They just want to believe that someone cares about them. It’s quite sad actually. Their self confidence is so low.

Now me on the other hand, because I tend to be so friendly, I find that I am constantly singing the praises of my incredibly wonderful husband, how I adore him, think he’s the biggest stud that ever walked the face of the earth and so amazing! I still get chairs pulled out for me, doors opened, offers to play cards all the time but that’s okay……Seriously it’s a problem here. One evening last week they closed the recreation barn but there is an outside area that is semi underground with a basketball court that they said we could go hang out at for an hour. So after dinner one of the woman that I came here with from Parump said lets go over there because some of the woman are practicing basketball. Sure I said. We only have 10 minutes to get from point A to point B so off we go across campus. We get there go sit down on one side of the bleachers and within minutes I realize that there are NOTHING but couples in the area everywhere!!!!! I looke at Charise and said, “um, I don’t think we are in Kansas anymore, and i’m betting there will be no basketball practice here tonight” and sure enough we got to sit there for an hour trying not to stare at anyone which is very hard for me! Yikes! Oh what a night.

Last, I had 3 goals when I came here. The first was to learn fluent Spanish, and my room mate I just got (there are 3 of us in the room) speaks not a lick of English so SCORE! What better way to practice the Spanish I am signed up for! 2nd, I am going to lose 50 pounds and as of yesterday I have lost 18, another SCORE. I do have to conquer the 1 arm push ups I told my husband I was going to be able to do by the time I got home and so far I can only do 15 granny push ups, so that is a work in progress. And 3, I want to learn to play Tennis and what do you know…..we have a beautiful tennis court, I just have to wait for my hamstring to heal but then I am hard at it.

I have also signed up and am in a quilting class, so exciting….all the blankets we make go to the battered womans shelters. I am signed up for scultping and crocheting as well then I will do card making and pottery…..so many decisions so little time.

I must say there are some real perks to being a long timer here. I got all new clothing when I came in which they never issue. Although I am beginning to realize that no one gets sentenced to nine years anymore so everyone here thinks I murdered someone. Really, I am here with the lady that was California’s #1 bank robber for years and they finally caught her…she got 8 years!!!!!! I was looking at her and she was looking at me and when she asked me what I did wrong and why I was here I have to confess my mind was reaching to think of something as glamorous as her reason for being here! I weakly said money laundering and wire fraud……..she said “excuse me?” yeah yeah yeah…I’m over it!

Miss you all so so so so much. Trust me, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be but….it is what it is.