What I am learning in Prison 101

by Tamara Sawyer

I am not sure if this is a good thing but I have got to share some of the funniest things ever……

I have a group of friends here that have dubbed themselves “my protectors”. They think it’s ridiculous that I am here and of ALL the people they know in jail or have known, and all the times they have been in jail (which often times more than not is plenty) they have never seen someone, as dumb about prison life as I am, so, they are my protectors. I thought it was so sweet that I have this new army and in my mind knew I would never ever put them to use, no one was ever going to “mess” with me, because I am simply, just too nice.

Imagine my surprise when on Saturday, as we were all out on the sun deck together, and another member of our group came out to join us and there were no more chairs. There was a girl sitting about 2 feet from us that had a chair and was using another chair for her feet. Rose asked her if she could use the chair her feet were on and without even looking up the girl said NO! We all sat there for about 2 seconds when all of a sudden my head whipped around and I looked at one of my protectors that is 6 feet tall, Sharon, with a look on my face like, “what are you going to do about this?” Get her!!! Make her give us the chair! Oh boy, I realized in that moment that I was now an official member of Prison!!! As Sharon started to get up I quickly jumped to my feet and said “no, no just kidding, let’s just let Rose have my chair.” Whew, the last thing we need is for all of us to go to the shoe.

Then the very next day we were in the tv room trying to watch the morning news when we left for a moment and in came 2 other girls and promptly changed the channel on the TV. This time I was with Rose and Rachel, and after they politely asked the girl to turn the tv back to the channel we were watching and they refused, Rose told them they were jerks and she wanted the remote. The girl said she wasn’t going to give it to her and what was she going to do about it. Rose and Rachell stood up walked over to the 2 girls nose to nose and Rose said, “well we can box if you’d like.” Okay, here’s what I did…..I ran as fast as I could out of the room! Yes I am ashamed to say that I had zero interest in defending myself against a girl who had a mohawk and her chinese gangster friend! I ran yes I did! Scared the begeeeeeevies out of me. Good grief. I am definitely not cut out for this!

So I learned some new words. Lock and sock: That’s what I need to get “hooked up with” to defend myself. I think I will pass. And some other real choice things that it’s just to embarrassing to repeat. As we were playing cards all night Saturday I didn’t understand one thing any of the girls were talking about at the table. Most of it pertained to drugs, and how you shoot them, snort them, sell them, buy them. etc….. I know there is a reason I am supposed to be here and believe me, these are the good girls I am hanging out with.

Last, I have never ever ever in my life seen so many tattoo’s’s on woman’s bodies. I am the only girl out of 1,000 woman here that does not have a tattoo, true story. So, as you can imagine there has been lot’s of discussion about me having a tattoo and whether or not I should get one. I will never, I say. And they say well if you did what would you get? If I was super duper honest, I would get the scales of justice tattooed on my butt!!!!!!

That’s all for today:)