DOJ – “Of Course They Did”
by Tamara Sawyer
It’s been almost 2 weeks since I got the news that the DOJ is dropping all the charges against me on the Middleton case. I didn’t want to say anything publicly until we actually had the documents in our hands, which we now do.
So aside from all of the obvious celebration that is going on within our army of friends and family, my emotional processing around this new development, and even Kevin’s, was not what I would have thought or expected when something we prayed for so fervently actually happened. Besides the initial feeling of heartfelt gratitude that God is so good, my first thought was, “of course they did” and then I got mad. Really really really mad. Probably angrier than I have ever been in my life. Wave after wave of emotion hit me, from losing a man that trusted me completely that was like a father to me, to the outrageous conduct of the investigator that handled the case, the depth of which we did not even know until a recent hearing, to the people that had broken into my e-mail sometimes as many as 200 times a day, which we didn’t know about, and used that information in conjuction with the police department to make sure I was arrested upon setting foot back in the United States, and had the DOJ participation in that even though we had made arrangements for me to self surrender, to the times I was so close to caving into their demands that I “take the famous plea” and refused, “it was basically a free ride” to the Federal Government saying we were no longer able to pay my attorney, who then in turn was taking me “pro bono,” to the final realization that every.single.time.I.ever.felt.ready.to.crumble.beneath.the.weight.of.it.all, somehow, my bible would open to a verse that said, “run the race, run it hard, run it all the way to the finish line.” Every.Single.Time!
That being said, God is Good, so so good. A lesson can be learned from this. We are running another race still. We will see you at the finish line, and we will run it strong, all the way to the finish line.